It had been perrenially mentioned that attachment is the number one stumbling block to finding our true selves. But what is it really? From my personal experience, I “lose myself” into a situation and get attached quite easily at work. In other daily life, perhaps not that easily.
But then, the question is why? Why this automatic mechanism to become swept away? Why this “forgetting” of myself?
For me, I am so used at it, I know no other way to survive. I am so deeply programmed to sympathize and empathize, suffer and feel for something or someone. In short, working in this position, I have become too much identified with it. I closely define myself depending on my work ethics and my work performance and my results. In this world of capitalism and utilitarianism, it is forced on us for generations. To be useful. Such is our curse. We are but worker bees, that without work, we do not know how to define ourselves, our dignity, our meaning. We lose our purpose outside work or on any business we are part of. Without our productivity, we have been made to believe we are nothing. Such is our sad reality!
But let me take a different pose, is it really true? Am I really all what society has defined me to be? Does ‘working ’til I drop’, the only way of living? Am I cursed on this drudgery forever? Does my value come from outside, that without it I don’t have any intrinsic meaning?
So how then do I thread this path to freedom when I have been hypnotized to be always attached to my work? How do I remain myself, be distant and aware?
It may require a little more selfishness. A selfishness to not sell myself. A selfishness to be steadfast, to remain with myself, and be who I am – not judging nor carried away. Yes, it seems like an uphill task for someone who has been deeply functioning otherwise. But I have to at least try, experiment, watch different situations.
In order to gain myself, I have to be selfish.